"I've found the greatest love of all inside of me"
Words can't express the sadness that I felt upon hearing the news of the passing of Whitney Houston. I really was not too surprised as her struggles were pretty well known over the years, but you hope and pray that for anyone going thru any type of addiction, that they are able to overcome it. She truly had one of the most beautiful voices that I have ever heard and this song and it's message has always touched my heart. Hug your loved ones and don't take one moment for granted. Rest in peace, Whitney!
Yesterday Alex and I attended a celebration of life for our friend Davey that passed away unexpectedly last weekend.(this is getting all too common as of late - not liking it!) We were sitting in the church listening to all of Davey's mates telling some fabulous stories - some maybe not
quite appropriate for a church but they had edited some of the wording (and when I looked over at the priest he was laughing so hard along with the rest of us...) A few of my faves were: they had been on a 14 hour flight talking almost the whole way as they were sound engineers for concerts and were talking about the show they had just worked on. Davey was so tired he laid right in the aisle of the plane and fell asleep. The flight attendants didn't want to wake him, so when they brought the trolley by with drinks, they lifted it right over him and went on their way.(that would not be happening in this day and age....haha...) and another story was about lighting guys and sound engineers having endless confrontations of whose job is the most important and I loved Davey's quote about this situation - " they don't walk out of the show humming the lights." haha...Regardless of their differences they were all friends and what stayed with me the most yesterday as I was listening to all of these stories were the last bit where they all said " I wish he knew how much I respected and loved him, he meant the world to me and I didn't tell him." I think he knew, most likely. He was a kind gentle soul that we will all miss! At the end of the ceremony, a lone bagpipe player came from the front of the church to lead us all out (that is when my tears started flowing, i guess just the finality of it always gets me.) I looked over at Alex and at that moment a vision crossed both of our minds and memories - we had been at a friends wedding reception a few years ago and he was wearing a kilt, when he turned to me and asked me to hold his drink (well it was a bottle of whiskey or something of the sort) and with one hand right in the middle of the room did a cartwheel..It was quite impressive as he wasn't a small man at all...haha....Alex and I just kept looking at each other hoping we wouldn't burst out laughing at this most solemn moment in the church, but I bet if we did Davey would have loved it! He himself lived quite the life with loads of interesting stories I'm sure. I could have stayed all day just for the fun stories! I know I am preaching to the choir when I tell you all not to hesitate for a moment to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you - so you don't have any regrets. This conversation has come up many times with my daughter as we have had a few friends in the last few months that have lost family members and I always tell her should something happen to me I just wanted her and my son to know that I have had a wonderful life and have enjoyed it all - the good, bad and the ugly of it all! I wish the same for you all! Have a gorgeous day everyone, smile at a stranger and make their day!
When I heard the news that Steve Jobs died yesterday, I immediately texted my friend Sally, as I knew how sad she would be. She has been an Apple devotee for many many years and truthfully missed her calling as a PR person for that company. I don't think any of us were shocked at the news, as he had fought a long and hard battle with this extremely deadly disease. Sally texted back that she felt like she had lost a member of her family. I think to a point, we all feel that way. Our lives have forever been changed by the genius of this man and his team. As one blogger put it yesterday, " who will dazzle us now?" It might take quite some time, but it will happen again.
I am truly dating myself now, but nearly 30 years ago, when I was a young mom - I was a waitress in a restaurant right across the street from the Apple Headquarters in Cupertino, California. At the time, personal computers were not in my vocabulary, heck I was still adding up my tickets at the restaurant manually...haha.. Hewlett Packard and Atari were the big things in technology in the beginning stages of what was to become Silicon Valley. Thinking back to that time to where we are today, whew, never in a million years would I have imagined how all of these products have changed all of our lives. They have opened this world wide open in the most amazing ways!
I will leave you with a few quotes (as you know how much I love my quotes) from Steve:
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do....
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday youll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
As one of my Facebook friends wrote: "As I lay in bed with my iPad, I picture Steve Jobs, looking down on all the rectangles of light he created which glow from every corner of the globe in honor of the mega power ballad that was his life." Isn't that the truth!
Thanks Steve for sharing your inspiring vision with us!
My very dear friend, Kelly lost her dad, Bill last week. He was 96 years young. When I think about what he did in his life, I feel inspired and hopeful. To be able to find your bliss and live out your dream whatever it may be is a true blessing in life. He was quite the charming fellow, who knew how to spin a tale and make you laugh. He loved an audience and the audience loved him. For many years he was a character actor in movies, television and live theatre. I remember when I first met him around 10 years ago, he was regaling us about this one man show he had done called Twisted Twain. Listening to him talk and hearing the excitement in his voice was so wonderful and infectious, you could just feel how much he had loved the profession that he was in for over a half a century. How awesome is that?? I truly am envious of people that have known what they wanted out of life from the beginning and just went for it, as it took me many many years to find my bliss. To read about Bill's fascinating life, check out this link that I found from a I Love Lucy fan site. I know my friend,
Kelly finds comfort in the fact that her dad's life was a life well lived and anyone that knew him can't help but smile as he was one special guy who owned a piece of your heart. This photo below was taken a few years ago when us girls took him out "pubbing" one night!!
Rest in peace, sweet man xxoo
(1. photo via here, 2. photo taken by one of my pals-but I don't remember which one,)
The following post was written last year on this date
I am happily remembering my wonderful friend today:
It's hard to believe that it has been one year today that I lost my wonderful friend, Judy. It's been a terribly lonely year without her, but I talk to her often or yell at her often, and wherever she is I know she is laughing. I worked with her for 5 years and we loved to banter back and forth with each other - it made anyone near us squirm as they really thought we were fighting, but after they would leave, we would just burst out laughing. We could say anything and everything to each other and there was never any offense taken. That is what she loved about me and that is what I loved most about her. To put it quite simply - she was my rock and my life just is not the same without her.She was there for me in the happy, sad, confused, mad, frantic times - and she would just listen to me for hours on end, never judging me - just letting me ramble on and on and trying to work whatever it was out for myself but using her for a sounding board. I feel so honored to have had her friendship for as long as I did, never thinking for a moment that I would lose her. She had cancer for all of the years that I knew her, but she chose not to tell anyone. As she later explained it to me: she knew her decision of putting off her treatment would shorten her life span, but she wanted quality of life on this side of chemo, as she knew that once it started - life as her and her family knew it would never be the same.Her husband and one of her sons were the only ones that knew she had cancer - she told me and her children & grandchildren, a month before she started treatment. Her and her husband were celebrating their 50th anniversary and they took the whole family on a cruise, she wanted them to have a wonderful time and she knew that if she told them at that point everyone would be so sad, she was always looking out for others especially her kids and grandkids. When she told me, I yelled and screamed in disbelief, I was angry at her that she would compromise her life like that, but she very calmly told me that she wanted quality not quantity and even though I didn't agree with her, I had to respect her wishes.I have so many wonderful memories of her, but these two stick out in my mind the most. When my dad was killed almost exactly 3 years ago, we had his memorial in Northern California where my family lives. We live in Southern California, and she flew up for the day to come to my dad's memorial even though she didn't know my dad - she wanted to be there for me and I treasure that memory, especially once I found out how sick she really was.My other memory was the week she started her treatment. She was hospitalized as they were giving her mega doses and wanted to monitor her, in case there were problems ( and there were nothing but problems from day one of her treatment.) I was on vacation with my two girlfriends and our daughters, we had just flown to Chicago on the red eye and it happened to be my 50th birthday. My cell phone rang and it was Judy's husband Harvey. He told me that he had been instructed by Judy to call me and sing Happy Birthday to me...she was too weak to do it herself. Well, that just made my heart soar and I think is the best gift that I have ever been given!Six months later, she was gone - and we, all her loved ones have a big hole in our heart. I have gained a wonderful friend through all of this - her husband, Harvey. He has had a very hard time, as Judy was his life - he lived and breathed for her and to this day is devastated, but slowly moving on with his life. We get together for lunch every month or so and chat on the phone and one day at lunch he looked at me and he said, " Judy would be so happy to know what good friends we have become" And I couldn't help but smile. We miss and love you, Judy!
Since yesterday, I have been feeling a bit anxious. It was a bittersweet day for me, as a mom especially - as my friend Sandi's daughter Brooke turned 18. How Sandi wanted to be here.
How proud she would be of how Brooke has handled her life since she died. She is her mother's daughter, there is no doubt about that and that makes me smile.
Then I started thinking, silly girl - it's dad's birthday this week. On Friday, my dad would have been 80 years old, which is even hard for me to imagine. My dad was so active, that he didn't seem really old to me. He was always excited about some new hobby he was working on, always learning new things. That is how I want to be should I be so lucky to reach that age.
And then there is this - this trial, that is upcoming in our lives. I really truthfully don't like to talk about it too much, but it's always there looming over us. It has been almost 4 years and after numerous hearings and district attorney changes - it looks like it will start either this month or next. Part of me feels (well most of me feels) that it's not going to make a big difference in my life, it's not going to bring my dad back. What would my dad want me to do?
I also feel that this monster has taken up too much of my families time already, and why should I give any more time by sitting in a courtroom looking at this awful person that forever changed all of our lives. I have a few family members that want to be there, that need to be there - to see it thru, to see that justice is done. A tiny part of me wants to be there, but I know it will be such an emotionally charged journey - that I am not sure I am willing to take, time will tell.
So here I sit feeling anxious - bittersweet feelings about life, death & love.
UPDATE: I just found out yesterday that my best friend since the age of 12 lost her husband of 26 years to cancer, and I was reminded of this song. Hold your loved ones close and enjoy each moment!
For the past few months, since I really started posting regularly, I have wanted to keep things light, simple and fun - a sort of playground for myself and things that I adore. Not sure how much of myself I really wanted to expose to the world, but I have been so inspired by all of the blogs that I read daily of women of all ages that are going thru all sorts of different life experiences - good, bad, happy & sad. So I thought that I would share a little bit of a time in my life or shall I say the day that forever changed my life. I have to warn you that it is a sad story, and by no means do I want anyone to feel sorry for me. It has taught me that life is precious and that we should enjoy every moment as it were our last. I am peeling off a little layer of myself to share with you, as a thank you for inspiring me. So here goes:
It has been 3 1/2 years, since my life was turned upside down by tragedy. If someone would have told me a week or so before that my dad would die tragically and I would not only be ok, but actually thrive due to it – I would not have believed them. To this day it is hard for my brain to understand the reality of what happened, but my heart has grown in spite and because of this experience.
I had just talked to my dad two days before his death, and he was planning a trip out to visit me with his sisters and brother and was excited to see where I lived and what my life was like. A few years before, I had moved to a different part of the state as I had been in a long distance relationship and we wanted to make it a permanent one. My dad and I had a short, but very nice conversation – and I always ended our talks by saying “I love you, dad “but this time I only said “see you in a few days.” Those unspoken words have haunted me ever since, but I know that he knew he was loved by me.
It was on a Friday evening, I had just gotten home from work when my cell phone rang. It was my brother – and I found it odd, as I very rarely talk to my brother, but I answered it. He was very calm and said to me in a very soft voice, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but Dad is gone” – my heart sunk at that moment, but I was at peace as I had been thinking about this exact same thing just a few days before. You see, my daughter’s friend had just lost her father, yet he was in his early 50’s and had been suffering from Leukemia and she was just 15 years old. I knew that eventually I would be dealing with the same issue as this amazing young woman was and I only hoped that I could deal with it as graceful as she was.
However, when the words came thru the phone from my brother that said “Dad was shot, he was murdered” I wasn’t prepared for that at all. My body shook and collapsed to the ground and I was gasping for air while crying hysterically. “Who would do this, who would kill my dad?” My brother and I were united in the devastation of this news and as we were grasping for answers at the moment, there just weren’t any. The police couldn’t tell us right away. For the rest of the evening, I paced back and forth – I called my boyfriend who was at work, and he came home to be with me, to calm me and make sure I would be ok. We were both unprepared to deal with a situation like this, no one ever is- but I felt at that moment, like I was in one of those Lifetime Channel movies or some bad dream, and I just wanted to wake up. I called a few of my friends and they were equally devastated for me, as they knew how much my dad meant to me - their support got me thru the next few days and weeks and I am so thankful for that. I was frantically searching the internet for any news regarding the murder. My dad lived in Florida and there had been a few killings in his area in the last few weeks, and they both had been on a Friday. They were calling these the Friday Night Killings and the suspect was at large.
The next morning we learned that the suspect was in custody and had admitted to the killing, and was the Friday Night Serial Killer. My dad’s personal belongings had been found in his car and the police were immediately tracking the killer thru my dad’s credit card activity. Within two hours of my dad’s murder – the suspect was in custody. That was a definite god send, as we now had some answers and could try to move forward from that point.
As a way of trying to find meaning in this, I immediately said to my brother and sister that Dad had lived a wonderful life until then and I wanted to remember him like that. Although we are never going to forget how he died, I didn’t want it to overshadow the wonderful life that he led. As I tried to describe how I felt to my boyfriend and friends, all I could say was I feel like my heart had shattered into a million pieces. We’ve all heard that saying, “she’s heartbroken, he’s heartbroken” but to actually have that feeling in your heart is an indescribable pain, that truly never goes away. My heart was broken, how would I ever survive this?
changed the lives of so many people. what we all took for granted as another day, was a horrific day for many many people, including a good friend of mine, who lost a few family members in those towers. she had been in that building not an hour before the horrific event happened and watched with terror as it ended the dreams of her loved ones and thousands of others. my heart goes out to everyone that lost someone in those buildings that day - I hope that they have been able to find peace in their hearts and are able to remember their loved ones with a smile on their face for all the memories of good times they had with them. hold your family and friends close!
